From two homes to None

There was a time where I had two homes. One I came from and one which I was learning to belong. I arrived in a new country and slowly made it home with new friends, hobbies, routines and practices. At the same time, I had the privilege of going back to my first home on special events and holidays to see my family and friends. Now, standing between distance and change, it often feels like I don’t completely belong in either of my homes.

Initiating my new chapter abroad was one of the happiest moments of my life. It was exciting putting together my new house, meeting new people and experiencing that first glimpse of independence. I was so content with my new home I even felt a slight guilt about not feeling homesick, like everyone was saying I should be. 

I would travel home for Christmas, Easter, Summer holidays and birthdays. At first, every visit felt comforting and familiar, as I got to gather with my friends and family in my local hangout spots.  Over time, however, that feeling quietly changed into a realisation that time was continuing without me. My friend group had expanded with new people, my parents replaced the house I grew up in for a newly built one, and my local bar was now a reformer pilates studio. 

Although I get excited about going back to my new home I curated for myself, leaving the old one somehow gets harder with each visit. Every time the plane takes off and I see my old home from above, I get reminded that from now on neither place will truly feel like home. 

Over time the excitement of independence softened into missing and appreciating the smallest things I never noticed before. The comfort of speaking my own language, having conversations that don’t require planning, or even just strolling through my local supermarket. 

At some point, it dawned on me that I will never just have one home again. The place I left behind will always hold my roots, while the place I moved to will shape the person I am becoming. And somewhere between traveling from one home to the other, I realised belonging is a temporary feeling instead of tied to one place.

design created by alyssa dalto

26.01.2026