‘You just need to say hi,’ my mother had said before I went to my first day of university.

It was September 1st of 2024, and even though I don’t remember the weather nor the lip gloss I had worn, I do remember the anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. A feeling that screamed at me for taking such a big jump in my life.

I had been in the Netherlands for about 3 days by the time I had to attend my first orientation lecture. My parents had come along on my moving journey, helping me carry my 6 suitcases whose contents have since then slipped from my memory.

I headed out, grabbing my bag and the tiny sandwich my mother had made me as a wish of good luck, deciding to reject my father’s offer of dropping me off. ‘I got this,’ I said confidently, knowing very well that this was the first time I had ever taken the Dutch public transport by myself.

I had timed everything to the minute, making sure I spared myself 15 minutes before the lecture began at 12. At 11: 05 I had closed the door of the Airbnb I had stayed at – a story for next time. I walked down the now familiar path to the tram and waved to the butcher who had kindly helped us with the luggage on our first day here.

As planned, I had made it to the tram stop at 11: 10, having already said my first hi to a woman who was sitting with her child on her lap. I asked her whether I was waiting on the right side, and with a nod and a smile, she confirmed, wishing me a series of good luck before I got on.

Things were going smoothly. I had Gregory Alan playing in my ears and google maps open on my phone, making sure I checked every minute not to miss my transit stop.

We were expected to reach the stop at 11:25 so I could switch to the bus that would drop me off directly at the university. However, luck was never really on my side, and what better way to start my first day than with a little bit of unexpected cardio?

With the Tram having to take a detour due to unforeseen circumstances, I found myself sprinting down the road, half of my bag’s contents threatening to spill out, as I waved down the bus driver to stop and wait for me. Punctuality meant more than kindness in that moment, and the bus was gone, leaving me stranded and waiting another 10 minutes, slowly eating away the buffer of time I had saved for myself.

Annoyed, I sat on the bench, pissed off at the world for doing me dirty and at the bus driver for not being kind enough; but a small voice had cut out the noise when a pair of blue eyes were staring at me handing me my lip gloss that graciously fell out of my purse. ‘It happens to all of us,’ she smiled.

We ended up having a small chat while waiting for the bus. To my surprise, she was 12 and just like me was going to school for the first time by herself. ‘My parents wanted to see whether I was able to get there without getting lost,’ she explained with a proud tone.

When the bus had arrived at 11: 37, I hopped on and once again opened google maps, convincing myself that I could actually make it on time and that being a few minutes late wouldn’t be that big of a deal either way. That confidence didn’t last long. Barely making it half way through the ride, the bus came to a stop, and for no better reason than the bridge opening in half to let a ship pass by. Minute by minute, I felt my sanity slipping out of my hands, and by the time we moved again, the lecture had begun.

I tried reassuring myself that things would be okay, that no one would even notice that I wasn’t there, but my hopes had already been destroyed.

When I reached Hes – the university bus stop – I grabbed my bag and stood in front of the door I was meant to exit through, only for the bus to keep going, the driver completely oblivious to my presence.

‘hi, sorry-‘ I tried to speak to the driver who completely neglected my desperate attempt to understand. ‘No English,’ he turned his head away from me, staying focused on the road.

That’s when an older woman noticed my confusion. She asked me what was wrong, and I explained the situation I had found myself in, and with a nod of a head she spoke in Dutch to the driver making sure that he would drop me off back on campus after we had reached our final destination.

I never ended up making it to the lecture, or saying the hi I had practiced in my head the entire journey.I did learn one thing that day however; Dutch public transport sucked, and I should probably leave my house a little earlier next time.

10.02.2026

The ‘Hi’ I never got to say

“Too Young”